A POTTED HISTORY.
My interest in rubber and bondage goes back as far in my memory as I can recall. What caused it, or how it came about I do not know. And to be quite honest I do not really care. In my case the tying up phase came first and then the realisation that rubber in the form of suits, straps and masks could be an aid. Only for the interest to reverse so that the rubber became more important than the rope. And now as I sit here typing this I am quite content to be wearing a wet suit with a boxers groin guard on under it and a gum shield in my mouth and waiting until I am finished this tale before reaching for the straps and other toys.
I was about eighteen when I bought the first item specifically intended as an aid to my obsession. It was a very second hand divers wetsuit with hood attached, vest, socks, jacket and trousers. There was only one problem; as soon as I put it on I came. It took some time for me to think of a solution, eventually it dawned while watching a sports programme on TV. As you will probably have guessed it was boxers sparring, and watching them with the gloves, head-guards and groin-guards I realised the alternative use I could put them to.
Then came the more difficult part. Finding where to buy the kit. I eventually found out about Lonsdale in London and managed to visit. Sparring gloves, bandages, head and groin guard all were as good as expected, and an additional aid had been found, the gum-shield, what a great thing to chew upon at night.
From then on it was a matter of small improvements on the kit. Then an Avon neck entry dry suit was added to the collection. Then a couple of gas masks; other types of wetsuit and boxing gloves followed and it is still going on. The latest version of the boxers kit is all in plastic, can be worn next to skin and easily washed and is by far the most effective from my point of view of the lot.
My most recent ideas have taken me into snow skiing equipment and gravity inversion boots, With the practice I have had the groin guard is an impediment to ejaculation but not a preventer. However, upside down is a different matter and I am yet to achieve an orgasm up-side down.
The problem is that working single handed there always has to be a way out planned for but ignored until one has had enough. The idea of dying on the job at my age does not appeal in the slightest and having a friend or assistant to tighten the last strap, and wait for the plea for release would make a big difference and allow all sorts of experiments to take place.
At the present I have two main ways of playing which I think could be described as 'The bag' and 'The straps'.
Having got a hold of a neck entry Avon dry suit I quickly found that it was possible to both put it on and remove it without help; it is merely a matter of technique. I then set my mind to ways of using the dry-suit as a sort of more restrictive body-shaped sleeping-bag rather like the army sleeping bags which have arms. In the case of the adapted dry suit, my aim was to restrain the individual limbs. Attempts to put both legs into one leg of the suit, or to double up the arms ... at first all seemed doomed to failure. The friction between the canvas lining with its rubber tapes and the skin or other clothing, made forcing the limbs into the retracted position impossible. In a moment of adventure I tried to turn the suit inside out and eventually managed it; rubber on the inside. Then with the help of some liquid soap ... all sorts of things now became possible. The tactile feel of the soaped rubber loose on the body even if the suit is worn normally, is greatly intensified. But the real advantage was that the restrictive uses were now practical.
With the aid of a good bit of soap, both legs could now be forced into one leg of the suit and the arms bent double slipped into the sleeve-holes until they were trapped there. As usual the problem was that, what went in easily would also come out, all-be-it with a bit of a struggle. How much more a struggle it would be if the soap was washed out of the suit once it had been put on - I wondered. I hesitate to say it would inescapable but it would not be far from it. Again, it would need a helping hand!
THE STRAPS: these are a nylon woven strap with a self-holding cam buckle they are very strong and can be tightened by pulling on the free end. A hole in the free end and a hook in the wall achieves this. Release is only possible by depressing a lever on the buckle. Over the years I experimented with different configurations of restraint using these straps and I believe that now I have what for me is near perfection as I may get. I invariably include the boxing gloves and other bits and pieces and usually a wet suit of some kind. I have five different types of wetsuit to swap around with, and yes, I suppose it is an obsession. Sometime I'll either write the self-strapping process step-by-step or maybe set up the camcorder and send you the video.
What I would love to try would be total self-applied rubber bondage with the addition of a pair of snow skiing boots and ski bindings screwed to the floor in the middle of the room by clipping the feet into the bindings and lying back on the floor a difficult position to escape from would be created. Indeed I am not sure how escape could be achieved.
THE HELPING HAND
I think what I would be looking for would be someone willing to tighten the last strap, or wash away the soap. And equally important slacken off the strap and replenish the soap once I was finished playing my games. Ideally someone with a similar interest in rubber, and maybe other ideas or equipment so that I could learn and experience different methods of rubber bondage. In return I would offer the same services as a strap tightener or safety help-line and also share my thoughts and ideas with them. While I quite often climax while playing. A sexual relationship, with a male, would not be wanted or really appreciated ...
REPLY 18th March'90.
It's Sunday evening and I decided to start writing something to you - not sure what yet - it'll have to develop as it goes along. I'm keen to launch some sort of on-going correspondence with you because of your experiments with sports gear - and explore further a few of the very interesting topics you've opened up.
Getting it down on paper
Your letter was a great start. It elaborated on information I already got from you in your original guarded enquiry and during your visit. Very useful to have it written down in front of me - so I can respond to it point by point.
Paragraph headings are very useful when checking off ideas and responding - often it's possible to return a Xerox of someones' letter with just yes/no/maybe scribbled against each question/suggestion - or to number each paragraph when the reply is written on a separate piece of paper. Main thing is keeping the flow of ideas going.
In the past I've kept up a lot of on-going exchanges of letters, but even with a Word Processor to store paragraphs and blocks of notes on specific topics - most people are too busy to spend a lot of time on elaborate exchanges of ideas on paper. So, it's essential to develop a sort of shorthand format.
Delighted you're already into Word Processors, because a couple of my regular correspondents have just bought them at my recommendation - and they HATE ME. They've decided it's a new form of Sadism to persuade somebody to get involved with computers. However, I do think once you find your way around one, 'Thinking onto paper' becomes second nature, especially if you aren't too bothered about turning out great literature - just strings of ideas/comments/questions.
I sit and prattle away for hours. It's just like a long expensive telephone call - except that there is a tangible record at the end of it - the ideas are there in black and white to expand on - argue over - look back on.
That's how most of the FETTERS Information Sheets came into existence. They're culled from correspondence with various customers - and get added to. Incidentally there are four new ones need writing and the original eight are in desperate need of revision. Do you have any free time?!!
Writing things down can also help to clarify ideas. I can't always see the wood for the trees with so much rattling about in my head. So, having elaborated at length around a particular idea on paper it's easier for me to edit it down and tidy it up. Occasionally I then send copies to a few other like-minded people so they can agree/disagree with, add to or challenge. Naturally, the identity of the original correspondents is hidden if I send the results on to other regular correspondents.
How easy or difficult was your letter to write?
How easy was your letter to write?
Of your three sections the first was very detailed - but I guess by the time you got around to parts two and three you were too busy enjoying your self-inflicted bondage scene.
I very much enjoyed the image of you sitting there at your Word Processor trapped inside self-imposed rubber restraint. That sort of self-determined discipline can create good games - and is a great turn-on image for me to visualise. Maybe I should try subjecting myself to something similar when writing to you - but if I did, the time it would take me to complete this missive would increase ten fold. I'd be too distracted by being turned on! - or as I got hotter and sweatier, resisting the temptation to allow myself out before the end of the time I'd planned to keep it on for.
Sometime in the near future I would like you to describe the techniques you've devised for putting yourself into the rubber layering. The idea of latex full body suit under a wet suit INSIDE a dry suit is a blast. I guess I have a black oilskin foul weather suit which might just fit over the top of all that. That could be the beginning of a situation particularly to your taste - from what you told me when we were together.
I'm keen to know HOW you play rather than WHY you play. As you say, that isn't a matter of concern to you so why should it worry anybody else. For me, finding ways to get to play more often / get more out of playing / play more safely: these are the important things.
Defining the territory
Your 'Potted History' was interesting - but more details would be appreciated. The type of early solo games, any shared experiences; any sort of relevant experiences or opportunities during school, collage, service life?
You describe 'a switch from bondage games into rubber games' - but most of the rubber games you've described involve restriction and total encasement. Seems to me you just identified a specific area of the much wider field - and followed your natural instincts. Nobody is into everything. I know people who are only turned on by canvas bags and sacks. To some people 'bondage' means only metal shackles and chains. Others are into simulated torture, whilst an awful lot seem to be exclusively into psychological bondage through humiliation and master/slave role playing.
Your preference for using sports equipment, wet and dry suits, ski boots and boxing gear and so forth is perhaps not as unusual as you think. This sort of equipment is high on a lot of people's list of turn-ons. Personally, I'd add government surplus and motorcycle leather and waterproofs to the list. Bulk, weight and heat-producing properties are where my interests started as a kid. In spite of my FETTERS connection, there's still something exciting about modifying some 'real life' piece of equipment to give it an extra function as a restraint.
You say "You'd like to have somebody around to close the final strap": The Bondage Buddy who is not necessarily sex partner situation is something to explore. You say you're looking for a specifically non-sexual relationship - that is also not so unusual as you might think. This is a territory without an established vocabulary. The more people who learn how to express their personal preferences, the easier it should become to find compatible - play-partners - a turn-on - but many people admit they prefer to look after the sexual end of it in their own way in their own time. Sadly, in some gay SM circles if you keep the action completely non-sexual people will think that's distinctly kinky!
Anyway, for the moment it's no problem for us. There's a lot of territory to cover on paper before we meet up again, living so far apart. If / when we do get together I have a voyeuristic streak a mile wide. I get off on watching people sweat and struggle. And, certainly, I often get-off better privately after a Scene is over and finished.
We'll talk about my voyeuristic tendencies some other time!
More questions arising from your letter
It would be useful to learn more about the mental approach you take when setting up a session of self-restraint . Obviously, you have gone to the trouble and expense of acquiring certain gear - I know you have explored it's restrictive potential systematically, modifying where necessary to enable you to get into and (hopefully) out of it without help. (Details of techniques you've evolved will be interesting - a video would be terrific!). Without, I hope sounding either too analytical or nosy, I really would like more information about your mental approach to your sessions. The sort of question for example.
1) How often do you permit yourself or commit yourself to a session? -
Is it on a regular basis or something you plan toward, waiting for suitable time-slot to be available or on the spur of the moment when the mood is on you?
2) Do you dictate to yourself in advance how long and how extreme a session will be? -
Once you get home from work if you have the time - do you treat yourself to a session by just getting togged up to intensify a jerk-off OR is the main objective to luxuriate in the rubber and restrictiveness. If so, are you imposing a discipline upon yourself by committing yourself to a pre-determined period of physically challenging intensity.
Maybe you've never thought about it consciously - but I'm interested in the mental approach you take.
The fact that you chose to get kitted out in rubber to sit and write to me sounds like an assignment you imposed on yourself. Was being inside restrictive gear for punishment, an endurance test or to prevent yourself from getting-off while thinking about what to type?
3) If you set a fixed duration for a 'game', -
How often do you then welch on the deal having shot your load?
4) Does cash/time you invest in 'self-indulgences' produce a guilt trip -
Or can you justify it as a hobby/sport?
5) Once restrained or into physical situation you've imposed upon yourself do you imagine it has been forced on you by somebody else?
This brings us to the next heading. I'll try and cut down the direct questions - but cover the ground I'm interested to eventually explore with you in more detail ...
You gave me a lot of information about the type of gear that appeals to you, and your descriptions of self-applied bondage give a very clear picture of the technical approach - but what sorts of things do you fantasise about whilst self-restrained? Do you imagine encounters with certain types of people during self-applied bondage - if so, what type of environment and characters feature in your 'scenes'?
How does your home environment affect this? Do you use blindfold or a hood to block out your actual physical surroundings - and where do you imagine you are? You told me that you were often frustrated because you could not place yourself in inescapable bondage situations. Are you turned-on by the idea of being restrained to a point where you actually want to get out but can't?
Given outside assistance for final strap tightening as per your letter, can you jot down the type of scenario which would appeal most to you - at least for starters. I'm assuming that, as trust grew, you might take a few more risks - and perhaps allow yourself to experience things that at present you don't even admit to yourself that you might like to experience ... that is, if there was no alternative but to take what was coming at you.
For example - could you risk choosing a fixed time to be stuck in a situation knowing you would then not be allowed to change your mind? Even with somebody you trusted who was doing only what you asked them to do - how would you know in advance how long to opt for in a given situation before you'd physically tried it?
How do you feel about a chance element to determine parameters (within previously agreed limits). The flip of a coin, turn of a card immediately before a scene starts is often a good way to decide precisely what you are to experience/endure for how long.
Another factor:- in your imagination do you have a preferred visual character image of the person doing the service of closing the final straps, monitoring your condition or determining the duration of a session? What sort of clothing and attitude?
Also, how precise an interpretation of your fantasy scenarios do you think you would expect? Would it make you feel happier or might it frustrate you if you got only and exactly what you asked for - nothing more and nothing less.
Getting into more dangerous territory - do you, being scrupulously honest, think there are areas of your fantasies which you prefer not to openly admit ... even to yourself? Personally I think I have always been attracted to bondage games because this way I can create situations in which I get things done to me which I don't actually ask for. On the other hand, one of the reasons I don't particularly like 'leading' a scene is because I don't welcome the responsibility of dealing with other people's double-think and double-bluff attempts to get more than they're willing to ask for.
Frankly, once I know who I'm playing with, the best of all games are with people who will not take no for an answer and I can curse and plead all I like, confident in the knowledge that they won't take a blind bit of notice. May sound extreme - and dangerous - and I personally have to have had a lot of previous experience with that person before I can risk laying myself open to the unexpected.
Guess that's about enough for this session. It's already stretched into the early morning.
Before I close - I promised you some 'Inspirational' reading. Not sure how you'll react to some of it, you being such an innocent (Hah!):
COLLECTED RUBBER STORIES (sent text file)
These are from various TOY and MISTER SM magazines from Sweden. Activities described may widen your horizons - or turn your stomach. Ignore the gay-male sexual side and think of the characters as members of your rugby club (Who are, I'm sure, as secretly kinky as you if they only dare admit it!) Keep fantasising your own original scenarios. I like the idea of you having found your own direction without any prompting from stereotype homo-erotic fiction!!! ... but as part of your education I think you should read these.
(currently available only via e-mail to Jim Stewart)
FURTHER ADVENTURES OF A MOTORCYCLE MESSENGER
by John Stapleton
This is a short sequel to a longer story 'WEEKEND IN THE LIFE OF A MOTORCYCLE MESSENGER'. I'm sending it because the author's preferences exactly match mine - and maybe yours - I.E. multi-layered restrictive clothes - particularly oilskins (see page 57 for availability).
Incidentally, keep your eyes open in your working trips around costal areas. I'm still on the lookout for a black naval foul weather suit - so I can line the one I already have with oilskin facing inwards!! Perverted!
(This story is now on-site, access via Storylines)
Will phone you during the weekend.