Wrapping, strapping, chaining and tying



Putting into words your intensely private fantasies.

Defining more clearly subtle sensual preferences.

Identifying natural instincts which may have influenced your thoughts and actions subconsciously for longer than you can remember.

Negotiating limits, establishing trust, agreeing parameters in advance of action.

Reading signs, signals and body language in challenging physical circumstances.



Tricky territory! Finding the right distinctions, even choosing headings for different communication skills has been a challenge. When you're talking mind-games, words are sometimes difficult to pin down.

Easy to say “A picture is worth a thousand words”, and sometimes actions DO speak louder than words.
But subtle distinctions can make the difference between a turn-on and total turn-off. So, when discussing / describing / explaining, how can we be sure the words we're saying are the words people are hearing?
Semantics doesn't mean splitting hairs - precise words and clear signals can be a route to more satisfying action?

Alice-in-Wonderland isn't out of place on a site which is basically about “kinky thinking”?
When the Mad Hatter and the March Hare argue that “I mean what I say” is not the same as “I say what I mean”, they were talking sense . In this unpredictable territory … word-wise, we're up to our knees in shifting sands.

Having got that off my chest - let's get down to business.


A brief list of

For years I've listened to people trying to explain what pushes their buttons, or why they prefer this more than that.
To fire-up your imagination there's a link to a whole file of useful text and pictures later.

Reading cold print is often not as much fun as action. Writing stuff down can be a chore, but t
he physical process can help to untangle a complicated idea: difficult for some people, but it often pays dividends. For years I've been saying "Listen to you instincts and, just as an experiment, jot things down." I'm not talking literature - it can be as simple as a shopping list. Later, you can read more about my Julie Andrews list (“These are a few of my favourite things”).

Precise choice of words (written or spoken) is a topic I've irritated a lot of people by nagging about - especially people whose natural instinct is to get on and do it rather than talk about it. All very well, until you try to find somebody you want to do IT with ... whatever IT is. Choice of the right word might mean the difference between a hit and a near-miss.

Two topics here. A lot of activities discussed on this site depend on whether people are saying what they actually mean, unintentionally or deliberately. "Stop it I like it" involves double-guessing. Words and body language can be used to double-bluff.
Secondly, before you can make clear to others your personal preferences - you need to be sure that these are clear in your own mind. Achieving this can be either a private exercise or an enjoyable shared experience: one-to-one or even as a group.

Sharing ideas is what brought many of the texts on this site into existence. Different opinions, like hearing more about different preferences, can offer you alternatives you might not have thought of. Opportunities for focused discussion or casual social chat can be valuable,

Interpreting silent indicators is an area of communication well worth exploring. Visually transmitting needs, wishes, intentions can be hit-and-miss. Discussion of this topic includes two sets of workshop notes and magazine articles listed under this head.


Each topic mentioned above is expanded further on this site.
If you want to follow this thread,
and explore more fully different areas of the COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS ball-park.


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