(Editor's
note August 2012 - Information within these texts
has not been updated.
Several magazines mentioned are now out-of-print. Some are available
on-line. More information on request)#
TALKING
POINT 1
PURE INSTINCT?
I'm a simple soul but I know what I like. I arrived at it without any
outside help, having wasted too much time along the way denying my instinctive
preferences. No one ever seduced or corrupted me. My preferences I now
realise have been with me since early childhood, when I climbed into
my fathers tall heavy gardening boots and systematically tied myself
to a drainpipe with washing line. That was at the age of about six.
I still remember the event, and now trust my instincts and distrust
dogma, specially when its purpose is to control by deliberately inducing
guilt ... specifically about (dare one utter the words) sexual gratification!
My personal moral creed is more along the lines of "Do unto others
as you'd have them do unto you" rather than "Thou shalt not".
This isn't self-indulgence, it's protection of the inner-self. After
forty-five years of knowing my own erotic preferences I'm happy to say
I have never, in pursuit of self-fulfilment, made anybody seriously
unhappy or forced them to do anything they didn't want to do ... which
is more than might be said for a lot of people who like to tell us how
to live our lives.
Instinctive attraction towards one or more aspects of what for the moment
we'll call Erotic Bondage emerges in only a small percentage of the
population ... and of this percentage, many manage to sublimate or repress
these instincts. Whether this makes them better people or easy to live
with, who can say. I'm not a psychologist but it certainly seems to
me from statistics that more crimes are committed by sexually unsatisfied
people than sexually fulfilled ones.
Back to the subject of natural inclinations towards tying-up games:
too many people arrive at them independently for them not to be somehow
natural. Perhaps it could be a specific gene ... but so perhaps could
the seed of homosexuality ... so what! ... so is having red hair. My
point is (I knew I'd get around to it eventually) if anybody reading
these notes has thoughts, fantasies, fears or attractions concerning
physical restraint of man by woman, woman by man, woman by woman or
man by man ... "It's better out than in" as my old Granny
used to say. I'm not advocating that you should rush out and try it,
necessarily ... but I am suggesting you get your thoughts on the subject
into perspective in the light of the rest of these TALKING POINTS.#
TALKING
POINT 2
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
The word Bondage means different things to different people. For a member
of a Biblical tribe and a medieval surf it meant two distinctly different
kinds of control situation. The word is old, the meaning keeps shifting
... but a bond is and always has been a contract of some sort. A modern-day
Stock Broker and Shakespeare's Shylock would both regard it as something
mutually agreed between responsible people: a deal freely entered into.
Today bondage is a blanket term used to describe a wide variety of different
activities and fantasies all of which involve physical restraint to
a greater or lesser degree. The wide range of different games involving
a change in the balance of power achieved through physical means (rather
than purely emotional or psychological strength), deserves some clearer
distinctions. A roll of cellotape by the bedside, a fully equipped dungeon
in the basement or an elegant stainless steel chastity belt worn under
an Evening Dress to the opera are distinctively different games. Can
they be lumped together as 'Bondage'? Perhaps so - perhaps no.
Certainly the concept of mutual agreement needs to be emphasise. At
whatever level of game playing, physical restraint of anybody against
their will is a crime in anybody's book. The popular misconception that
all 'Bondage and S&M' is imposed on unwilling victims or indulged
in by sad individuals needs to be exploded. As a step towards this a
few more precise words in the general vocabulary would help to clarify
the picture. 'Power Exchange' is a term worth considering for a physical
handicap willingly accepted by a stronger partner to give the less physically
powerful partner an advantage. This can open doors to all sorts of erotic
and sexual possibilities which otherwise might be short-circuited by
the stronger's ability to reassert control at any time.
Particularly because the word 'Bondage' in the tabloid press carries
with it implications of unwilling involvement and Politically Incorrect
behaviour ... clearer definitions based on real knowledge need to be
discussed, explained and explored.
Consent is obviously the key.#
TALKING
POINT 3
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS & the FETTERS catalogue.
Anybody who risks discussing Bondage in public can expect to touch a
few raw nerves ... and Political Correctness is the flavour of the decade.
But, firstly, let me explain to those of you who don't already know
... for the past 20 years I have been making bondage equipment. I've
always been a practical sort of person, so I made what I couldn't afford
to buy ... not that much was available commercially at that time anyway.
The development of a hobby into a business is often dangerous. It's
like living in a candy store. But, over the years, I have retained my
original enthusiasms.
So, back
to POLITICAL CORRECTITUDE and a commercial Erotic Bondage equipment
catalogue: Let's take a quick look at the main areas of political sensitivity:-
GENDER
DISCRIMINATION
No photos of women appear in the current FETTERS "European"
or USA catalogues despite the fact that a lot of women like to buy
our products. Is this discrimination? Showing pictures of women physically
restrained is a much more politically sensitive issue than showing
men. Violence against women is a serious reality, and I take real
life social and domestic violence very seriously. In the past when
FETTERS was targeted (we think unreasonably) by a 'WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE
TO WOMEN' group in the USA, we changed our focus to only men in bondage.
We introduced the slogan 'Serious Toys for Serious Boys' ... which
caused howls of outrage from Politically Correct women who love to
play with FETTERS toys and don't see why they the hell they shouldn't.
We can't win on this one.
COMMERCIAL
EXPLOITATION?
Offering for sale products specially designed to restrain has been
criticise as making the means available. Rope, chain or rusty wire
are easily available to people intent on committing criminal acts;
adhesive tape, chain and padlocks abound in the real world, folks.
Availability of the paraphernalia of Erotic Bondage from so many commercial
sources only goes to prove that such games are enjoyed by many more
people than the disapprovers of such games care to admit.
'PROMOTING'
THE IDEAS?
Is to describe relationships which include apparent physical force
likely to encourage domestic or social violence? Many experienced
game-players claim the opposite; that mutually agreeable exchanges
of pretended force or violence help to defuse antisocial inclinations.
Psychodrama and Group Therapy courses confirm that repressed emotions
are often at the root of social violence. However, critics insist
that availability of any information on positive aspects of the subject
is dangerous. However, to more open-minded thinkers, the implications
of suppressing information or denying such a basic right of the individual
to choose for him/herself in such personal matters are very sinister.
DO
FETISH CLUBS CORRUPT?
Sexually oriented contact clubs and information networks of any kind
are inevitably reported by the media as being 'Vice Rings' and subjected
to undue police attention. Because the games we're discussing here
should NEVER BE PLAYED BY STRANGERS, organised opportunities for like-minded
people to make contact offer valuable safeguards. Networking helps
to identify potentially irresponsible game-players ... and word soon
gets around. Gatherings of mutual interest groups offer a learning
experience ... and I'm not talking orgy time. Discussion and demonstration
programs help to identify dangerous practices. In my not so humble
opinion, sensibly run social contact clubs should be encouraged rather
than driven deeper underground.
SHOULD
CONTACT ADS BE CENSORED?
Specialised social clubs are expensive and urban centres far apart
... and there are a lot of people out there in the wilderness. Why
are publications which carry sexually explicit Contact Ads such a
sensitive subject for The Establishment? Out-of-date laws which regulate
postage in Britain are currently exploited by politically motivated
'pseudo-moralists'. The 'Obscene Publications' squad and Customs and
Excise department are systematically increasing their power-base in
Britain, and there seems to be a nameless organised force behind their
workings. If Political Correctness is more than an empty sham in the
new Europe, the British Establishment's general attitude to adult
sexuality should be swiftly brought into line.
(June
1997) Since writing the above:
Development of the Internet and World Wide Web has been targeted
as a medium The Establishment is determined to control. Recently, ex-Prime
Minister Thatcher once again threw her weight against freedom of information
or individual choice. She has specifically named S&M as something
to be purged from the Internet, at the same time omitting to mention
the massive range of Neo-Nazi material gaining popularity on World Wide
Web. In the USA it is currently believed that more pornography is placed
on Internet by the Religious Right and CIA than by genuine 'Pornographers'.
Scare tactics are, as before the 'Spanner' trial, threatening to clear
the way to further erosion of the rights of the individual.#
TALKING
POINT 4
SURRENDER OF SELF
Power Exchange games very often attract people who in everyday life
are decision-makers. Willing surrender of responsibility by inviting
control makes an ideal leisure activity, even if sustaining that power
exchange requires enforcement. The degree to which power is surrendered
is usually negotiated in advance, establishing parameters of the changed
physical/emotional/dramatic relationship.
Too precise a game-plan may lead to only token surrender of power. A
broader range of acceptable alternatives agreed in advance gives the
controller more freedom to surprise, challenge and sustain the altered
state; making the exchange more fulfilling for both parties. Giving
yourself into the power of someone else not only removes responsibility,
the lack of choice creates its own sense of freedom. Many people feel
free to indulge in behaviour which would be unacceptable to them if
they were free to choose. Barriers can be crossed when you have chosen
to allow limitations to be imposed. Is that a paradox?
However physically challenging the action may become this surrender
is also therapeutic. "A change is as good as a rest" as my
old Granny used to say. (Little did my old Gran know she'd end up in
a debate about Bondage!). Permitting or inviting someone else's control
inevitably remains a matter of degree. Pre-agreed limits and exclusions
may be flexible but must be respected rather than grudgingly agreed
to. As in all games there are rules. It should also be remembered that
'Altered States' achieved through Restrictive Practices often include
emotional and social as well as purely physical temporary changes. These
changes allow a wide range of alternatives to be explored. It is a complex
area of inter-personal communication which can add depth to any relationship
... and the objective should always remain mutual satisfaction or stimulation. #
TALKING
POINT 5
MUTUAL CONSENT
Disapproval of so-called 'Bondage' activities is too often based on
the idea that personal freedom is at risk. In spite of the fact that
willing surrender of personal liberty is what attracts most people to
Power Exchange games, the disapprovers often use apparent removal of
choice as an excuse for their prejudice. Paradoxically, these folks
are happy to insist that their personal opinions on the subject should
be imposed on everybody else ... preferably by Law! So, this subject
of Mutual Consent is of prime importance to existing and would-be game-players.
The actual legal situation of anyone who enjoys physical restraint and
power exchange games is discussed elsewhere. Here and now, the ethics
of different sorts of control and counter-control games is all that
concern us. Unfortunately, the arguments recently used to criminalise
specific aspects of S&M game-playing in Britain have created far
more danger than they have prevented.
By refusing to recognise Mutual Consent as an essential factor in certain
(maybe extreme) S&M activities, they have clouded a previously clear
legally accepted line. Consent or lack of consent is what so many social,
domestic, sexual disputes hinge upon.
Players of S&M games no longer have the protection of the law in
Britain if any such game ceases to be mutually consensual ... because
the activity they were involved in now might technically be a crime.
Incidentally, this new definition of an existing law eroded the personal
rights of thousands of individuals on the say-so of one man without
reference to Parliament. A highly questionable situation which the Law
Lords subsequently failed to tackle head on. (I'll now hop off my soapbox).
Returning to agreement between those involved in such games: Every partnership
whether permanent or transitory must arrive at its own mutually acceptable
set of ground-rules. For this, as already discussed, vocabulary needs
to be precise. An ability to communicate private, perhaps painfully
personal needs is something two people are wise to establish. Opportunity
to explore, sample, share and evaluate experiences are what give this
field of activity it's astonishing diversity. Two people able to discuss
and evaluate after an experiment can create a real bond. By building
on previous shared experiences, new initiatives can be risked, new heights
can be reached. We are not talking addictive progression. We're talking
a growing sense of shared responsibility, sensitivity, trust, ... in
a word, mutuality.#
TALKING
POINT 6
SAFETY FACTORS
This topic demands far more space than most proceeding TALKING POINTS.
However intense or elaborate physical restraint situations become, alertness,
sensitivity and know-how on the part of the person in control are essential.
When anybody is restrained, constant monitoring is usually advisable
.... but there are no absolutes. I have learned never to say never.
To leave someone alone totally helpless can be part of the trip for
both players. Of course there are risks in leaving someone overwhelmingly
incapacitated, unable to communicate. Frankly, if it's staged properly
they don't know whether they're alone or not. Maybe slamming the street
door is enough to convince some people they've been abandoned and the
house may catch fire or their controller may get run over by a truck.
But for experienced game-players such bluffs don't work; you need to
know that the bitch or bastard really has left you to whatever fate
may befall. From a safe and sane (a favourite S&M/Bondage catch-phrase)
point of view, that is a high risk situation. But for some people the
risk is part of the thrill ... and is it any riskier than bungee jumping?
The best advice is to build on experience. Familiarity with the play-partner's
style needs to be as close as regular tennis opponents. Awareness of
the physical and emotional limits of the willing 'victim' is necessary.
In addition, in most cases it's reassuring if the controller has physically
experienced the things he/she is now doing. There's no substitute for
personal experience; the effect of various positions and materials,
the physical/mental progression of various immobilisations, the bodily
responses during an elaborately structured scenario usually have to
be felt to be fully appreciated. All risks should be calculated risks;
guesses should be educated guesses.
Possible safeguards and emergency measures are too numerous to list
here. There are a few books available from around the world but, absurdly
enough, most of them are suppressed in Britain ... banned without trial
or hearing by nameless individuals in the Customs and Excise department
with the encouragement of the Obscene Publications squad. (Whoops, I
must watch my blood pressure.). Most safety measures are plain common
sense. Any scene that goes sour could land both parties in serious trouble
so responsibility is certainly the name of the game. Everything written
in this publication assumes both mutual consent to all activities and
a shared sense of responsibility. Simple precautions can avoid 90% of
potential dangers. These are listed in David Stein's valuable compendium
of safety advice.
Physical restraint and S&M games are usually no more dangerous than
any other body contact sport; they can occasionally result in bumps
and bruises, aches and pains the morning after. Near misses with circulation,
breathing or balance cannot be totally avoided. Also, like in any other
active sport there are rules which are framed to protect the players.
Again these rules are published in magazines such as 'DUNGEONMASTER',
'BOUND AND 'GAGGED' and 'SandMUTOPIA GUARDIAN', all of which are banned
in Britain. I guess to even recommend you to buy them direct from the
USA is technically to commit a crime. The list of safety factors is
simple to learn. Yes, a degree of risk can be the spice of life to some
people, but scrupulous observation of all safety precautions can ensure
that both parties in a challenging 'Scene' can survive to enjoy and
build on the experience.#
TALKING
POINT 7
CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT
Now here's a sophisticated extension of a topic to blow the minds of
the Politically Correct. In a nut shell ... a lot of people attracted
to power exchange games wish to surrender ALL responsibilities. However,
behind most do-your-worst invitations the ground rules have already
been established. Even when the most extreme sounding kidnap or (dare
one say) rape fantasies are discussed, certain mutually agreed limitations
are implicit in the planning.
It's commonly accepted that physical restraint encounters shouldn't
happen between strangers. Getting to know someone socially or through
a personal recommendation or seeing them in action at a club demo provides
an essential safety barrier. The thrill of not knowing what is going
to happen is fine, but in reality it's fraught with danger. Without
ground-rules any 'No limits' encounter can fail for a lot of unexpected
reasons. In the early stages of 'Mutual Consent' encounters general
likes-and-dislikes are exchanged, specific physical imitations or emotional
no-go areas are identified. When inviting someone to totally remove
all choice from you ... the ALL is already qualified.
Even when putting oneself at real risk is the main attraction (and in
my opinion every individual should be free to decide to what extent
that risk is worth taking) most people instinctively calculate the amount
of real risk involved. Awareness of risk doesn't necessarily dampen
enthusiasm for it ... or we would have no fire fighters, police force,
lifeboat crews or Pot-holers. Modern life is dangerously short on risk-taking
opportunities ... which is perhaps why so many young people are turning
to Social Crime.
No one is suggesting that organised risk-taking via S&M and Bondage
Fantasy Enactment games is the answer to otherwise predictable lives.
But, consenting to surrender consent should be an acceptable concept
... as long as information is available to limit the implicit dangers.
I'm not making radical recommendations here, I am facing the indisputable
fact that elaborate Role Playing fantasy enactment scenarios with virtually
no specified limits are happening in clubs and private bedrooms in many
parts of the world every day. Believe me they are. If you were allowed
to read "DRUMMER" magazine or "BOUND & GAGGED"
or "MASSAD" you would have more information on which to base
your own opinions.
To provide a total removal of choice experience for somebody can be
more dangerous for the giver than the receiver. The responsibility of
making a dream come true is fraught with unexpected pitfalls. Just as
it's impossible to please somebody unless you have some indication of
what they like ... most of us don't know if we will really enjoy something
we've fantasised about until it happens for real. Occasionally dreams
have a way of turning into nightmares, so if someone invites a "No
Limits" experience and it's more than he/she bargained for, it's
up to the controller to try to recognise the signs. BUT in a situation
where the "victim" also wants the luxury of being able to
resist, complain, scream for help if allowed, get angry ... the controller
of the scene has to double guess and sometimes triple guess a manipulative
"bottom".
During what might seem to be a ruthless forced control scene, sensitivity
to the delicate balance between the demands of the fantasy scenario
and the actual mental/physical state of the willingly helpless victim
(especially if he/she is efficiently immobilised and gagged) is essential.
For the controller of such a scene to sustain the energy and atmosphere,
improvising while following a pre-determined plan; anticipating needs
while monitoring changes in emotional climate; deciding whether to push
the scene ahead or ease up temporarily ... is a tightrope. The responsibilities
of the controller, whether male or female combines the roles of stage
manager, director, scriptwriter, lover and GOD.
Even token surrender of ALL choice is a subject for any couple to explore
in detail before jumping off the high diving board. It's advisable to
have first played together in the shallows.#
TALKING
POINT 8
MIND GAMES
Several of our TALKING POINTS so far have discussed turning fantasies
into reality. Mind Games rely more on distorting reality in the mind
of the controlled/restrained person. For example, to threaten some helpless
soul with something they specifically don't want ... although you have
no intention of doing it to them ... but you convince them that you
will. That's a simple "Mind Fuck", to use the charming American
term. A more sustained mind-blowing trip can be as elaborate as actually
carrying out a physical kidnap scenario involving four well-rehearsed
accomplices, two motorbikes and a pickup truck ... and keeping the scenario
developing for anything from four to 24 hours. That takes good judgement
of your "victim's" needs and mindset ... plus good casting,
sustained Role Playing and efficient Stage Management. Pure theatre.
(See chapter on Kidnap Fantasies in 'SO I LIKE TO GET TIED UP - SO WHAT!?'in
'Publications').
Mind Games are often improvised and don't always need elaborate planning.
To get somebody willingly helpless for an afternoon of comfortable mutual
fun ... and then within their hearing pick up the phone and invite a
couple of friends over, suggesting they "Bring that little black
box". That can give the hapless helpless an hour of anxiety, apprehension,
anger or frustration waiting for the doorbell to ring ... even if you
had your finger on the phone cut-out while apparently making the call.
Again everything is a matter of degree. If the bond between two game
players is strong enough and their mutual taste is for very intense
scenes, a mind manipulation experiment can generate real desperation,
fury and anxiety. Such an experience may not be erotically pleasurable
at the time but, like a lot of painful and seemingly extreme SM/Bondage
happenings, they are survived rather than enjoyed at the time. Then,
in retrospect, they can fuel a stimulating fantasy for many months to
follow. Of course, such intensity is not everybody's cup-of-tea.
Revenge and retribution can also stem from a successful Mind Fuck if
the two protagonists enjoy Role Reversal. In many catch-as-catch-can
relationships, to pay back with interest is the name of the game. Suspense
is another factor: As any good film maker will tell you, suspense often
comes from what you think might happen but are not quite sure when or
how it's going to happen. Sustaining the game on that level requires
creative imagination and energy. To jump somebody you like through a
series of difficult hoops using mainly mental manipulation provides
a wonderful world of alternatives for the creative (sadistic?) mind.
And the receiver of the treatment can end up more drained than at the
end of a physical sex marathon. However, for a partner to be in control
of the sexual as well as mental merry-go-round on such a trip can be
an experience to remember.#
TALKING
POINT 9
ARE PHYSICAL RESTRAINT GAMES S&M?
Many people would say "Yes", some would say "Who cares?".
DeSade and Masoch between them left us a legacy of different ideas and
images. Today their published works are only marginally influential.
People who do make the effort to explore them either find their ideas
distasteful or disturbingly attractive; either a turn-on or a turn-off.
Whichever way, the names of this unlikely duo have been combined to
form a dangerously imprecise blanket term for a wide variety of tastes,
fantasies and everyday activities which do not figure in the writings
of either man. In reality most of their writing falls outside our strict
parameters of MUTUAL CONSENT.
So, to get back to our topic, in my experience many people who are attracted
to tying-up situations are not necessarily turned-on by the entire range
of what are conventionally called S&M activities such as pain, humiliation
and rough sex. These can be totally absent from a devoted Bondage Enthusiast's
list of preferences. Also, everything is a matter of degree ... which
reinforces my point that distinctions need to be clear if game-players
are to communicate their likes and dislikes successfully ... and if
"outsiders" are to understand the subtle distinctions within
the subject ... particularly regarding CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT.
I'm sometimes accused of making distinctions where none exist. Of course
there are overlaps at all levels of SM/Bondage (as it's generally lumped
together). But one quite clear distinction is interesting to explore:
People who like to be restrained as a prelude to experiencing something
else often have a different mindset to those who like to be wrapped,
strapped, chained, encased or isolated as a challenging or luxurious
end in itself. No better or worse, no righter or wronger ... just different.
Many FETTERS customers have confessed to me that they are "Into
Bondage but not into S&M". They're almost apologetic about
it. Where do they pick up this inference that if you're into one you
have to be into a whole range of other games? Perhaps it's our constant
stringing together of S'n M'n Bondage?
Restraint need not necessarily be uncomfortable ... or, deliberately,
it can be an elaborate progressive physical endurance test. Even so,
are either of these S&M trips? Escaping from restraints can be exhausting
and exhilarating. Failure to escape can lead to painful threatened consequences
which are stimulating to anticipate or worth making a more painful effort
to avoid. "Pink Cloud" physical restraint situations allow
the mind to luxuriate isolated from the real world if there are no uncomfortable
pressure points. Bags and sacks and hoods and helmets allow the imagination
to float free. Sensory deprivation which removes sounds and sight and
sense of touch soon opens up pathways to intensified sensual responses.
Changes in air flow, temperature or position effected from outside,
beyond the control of the receiver can be a serious experience of powerlessness
... and an enjoyable Power Trip for the controller.
People who aren't instinctively aware of the potential of physical restraint
as an end in itself ask what the 'Bondage Top' gets out of it. The elaborate
processes of wrapping, strapping, cocooning, controlling, adjusting,
intensifying, slackening, provoking or reassuring are like playing a
sensitive musical instrument. The erotic potential of sensitising and
de-sensitizing, isolating and surprising, infuriating and calming offers
a vast landscape of creative self-indulgence for the person controlling
a physical restraint trip for a willing subject (a better word than
Victim).
Masochism in its traditional meaning might apply to the recipient but
hedonist may be a more accurate description, because the sole intention
is towards pleasure even if the pleasure comes through discomfort, pain
or helplessness. The controller may have a sadistic streak or just a
wicked sense of humour, or be a voyeuristic sensualist. Also, the sense
of power can be a trip in itself ... while, after a session, the demand
for creative energy plus the responsibility can leave the controller
as drained as the physically challenged recipient! #
TALKING
POINT 10
IS BONDAGE A FETISH?
A provocative title and, at this point in the proceedings, perhaps irrelevant.
My dictionary defines a fetish as "An object superstitiously invested
with divine, demonic or erotic power, and as such held in awe and usually
worshipped" ... but it's not a very good dictionary. The word Fetishism
gets "Erotic interest in some object intimately connected with
a person adored". Where this puts bondage equipment or tying and
being tied as a pleasurable pastime beats me (if you'll excuse the expression.).
Motorcycle boots and stiletto heels, leather corsets and latex bodysuits,
army camouflage or sequins & feathers have recognised erotic connotations
... but are they Fetish Items? The Marquis DeSade preferred fur. Is
it a case of ... whatever turns you on? The reason for including this
slot is to explore the repeated suggestion that pleasure gained from
physical restraint is in itself a fetish or "perversion".
To some people the act of restraining or being restrained is a potent
sexual stimulant. To others it's simply a way of redressing the balance
of physical power during erotic games. Rope, chain, hospital strait-jacket
or police handcuffs attract some people's attention whenever they see
them. Many bondage enthusiasts admit to have had an unfocused attraction
towards such images since early childhood. Are these, as I once heard
an academic ask, "icons which excite the erotic psyche" or
simply theatrical properties necessary to completing the picture for
a personal fantasy scene? Role Play can demand detailed stage management.
Bondage/SM scenarios are often, as I've said before, pure theatre ...
symbolic, stylised; an exercise in escapism.
Perhaps the stereotype Dominatrix or Leather Master is a fetish object,
but the reality behind the theatrical mask is often disarmingly human.
The interaction is what matters. As fetish items, the tangible physical
reality of most restraint equipment, whether metal or leather, won't
allow you to get too far away from REAL. But however restricted or imprisoned
your body is, the mind is free to make the experience whatever you want
it to be. So, fetish objects may support your fantasies or intensify
your imaginings.
Fetishism as a word is often used as a blunt instrument along with kinkiness,
decadence, perversity and sexual deviance. There's perhaps a more precise
word for any impulse which draws you to explore beyond the edges of
so-called 'Normal' sexuality ... its INDIVIDUALITY. I say, enjoy it!
And while we're putting names to things, there are times when the actual
pursuit of control and counter-control games might reach a point where
it could be called obsession. I personally believe in moderation in
all things, but a good energetic enthusiasm can be called a passion
... and passion is good.#
TALKING
POINT 11
CORRUPTION THROUGH INFORMATION
There is a false premise that if people don't get to hear about something
they won't do it. That doesn't hold water. We've already discussed how
a surprising number of people intuitively arrive at a liking for tying-up
games before they've discussed it with anybody. Too many of them spend
too long believing they're the only people in the world with erotic
fantasies involving physical restraint. Most of what is available to
read on the subject is ill-informed. If 'Repressionists' argue that
availability of information will encourage people to try things they
wouldn't otherwise try. The other side of that argument is that too
many people instinctively drawn to it, already try it without sufficient
information to do it safely. I've met several of the survivors.
Police files are full of 'Death by misadventure' cases. People don't
need the FETTERS catalogue to buy washing line, luggage straps, padlocks
or to play in mail sacks nicked from the Post Office. All have been
used for self-indulgent purposes by people around the United Kingdom
since Kingdom Come. I know this for a fact from the small percentage
of people who have eventually found FETTERS and confessed to me their
previous intuitive experiments.
If banned Erotic Bondage magazines corrupt it is because the banning
infers that to enjoy such self-indulgences is kinky, perverted or deviant
(as the tabloids like to put it). I just want to de-mystify it a bit.
In doing so I may also de-glamourise it for the people who think it's
trendy to be kinky. In my encounters with HUMAN SEXUALITY studies, very
seldom do people who haven't already got a natural curiosity about it
develop a sustained active interest. Either it's in you or it isn't.
In my experience very few people can be persuaded to it unless they
do it to please a partner. Can that be bad? As a bright young student
in Michigan put it "There are How-to books on almost every subject
under the sun, but you can't be into everything. You choose." Do
How-to books seduce or corrupt?
Restrictive Practices aren't for everybody. But, if somebody has decided
they want to find out more about the subject, is it wrong to help them
towards an opportunity to meet with other people who are more knowledgeable
on the subject? That is not corruption it's common sense. In terms of
channelling natural urges, if you want to try Kickboxing or Judo you
start by finding a qualified Master rather than just kicking the hell
out of a friend and hoping you eventually get it right. In Martial Arts
increased know-how and practised skills bring with them increased responsibility.
History proves that the banning of any pleasurable activity does not
stop it happening. Usually, it just gets less safe and more expensive.
Physical restraint games with or without erotic overtones may not be
for everybody but they are as old as the hills. Society allows people
to shin up mountain rock faces in the pouring rain, or play Rugby football
in the winter mud with virtually no clothes on ... so if consenting
adults choose to spend their weekends tying one another up for their
mutual enjoyment ... I say don't knock it till you've tried it. But
if people are tempted to try, then I particularly want them to do it
safely and responsibly and only with consenting partners. #
TALKING
POINT 12
SERIOUS SADISM
Everything discussed so far has seriously and genuinely insisted that
MUTUAL CONSENT must be the basis of all activities considered here.
Real sadism and real violence are a completely different issue. The
darker side of human nature is a fact of life. Manifestations such as
Nazi Death Camps and the Catholic Inquisition are history, but the same
dark forces are noticeably at work today in Bosnia and the Middle East.
Closer to home, evil (as Christians call it, and in the language of
other major religions "The Negative") is manifest in many
social areas.
Today, political ambition and religious self-righteousness are still
used as excuses for sadistic, vicious and violent excesses. These range
from Irish terrorists of both persuasions destroying Ireland, Christian
Fundamentalists howling abuse and condoning murder outside abortion
clinics ... down to the depths of the good citizens of Cade County,
Virginia campaigning in the streets with placards proclaiming "Thank
God for A.I.D.S.".
What I call Sadism is often a factor in Man's Inhumanity to Man ("People's
Inhumanity to People" doesn't have the same ring to it but is more
accurate). Many good people, in defending their deeply felt beliefs,
have toppled over the edge and exercised emotional if not physical violence
to others. The dark forces in human nature are close to the surface,
and the smallest thing can trigger them unless we remain very conscious
of the dangers. The urge to defend our opinions and our territories
are natural. Defence too easily turns into attack.
My argument, in reviewing these disturbing natural tendencies is double
edged:
1)
There is innate violence/sadism in most of us.
2) To channel such impulses through controlled outlets is safer than
bottling them up FOR SOME PEOPLE.
Most social
violence is the result of frustration. Intelligent recognition of the
forces at work is the only solution to many problems. Prohibition seldom
works. Repression is a negative force. Bung up the spout of a steaming
kettle and the lid will blow off! These are all facts of life not solutions.
I'm offering no solutions to the ills of the world, to the frailty of
human nature or the failure of organised religion to deal intelligently
with so many forces they perceive as being evil.
In the context of this discussion I'm only interested in pointing out
that people who MUTUALLY CONSENT to act out scenes of physical control
and counter-control; who give or receive actual physical 'abuse' to
a degree acceptable to themselves ... are less danger to themselves
and other people than if they are prevented or inhibited. Arguments
against prosecution of 'Victimless Crimes' have had a lot of media coverage
recently. So why are they still given such high priority in over-stressed
courts, with the victims of prosecutions filling up overfilled prisons
at great expense to the Tax Payer? Can this be purely the result of
lobbying by self-styled 'Do-gooders'? Today's social ills are too many
and too extreme for police and politicians to waste valuable resources
on interfering with the private bedroom activities of responsible individuals.
The current sweeping clampdown on sexually explicit literature may appear
to be a move to curb social decay ... but it could also be seen as a
convenient platform for desperate leaders of the political and religious
Establishment. Police investigations into non-consensual abuse, corruption
of minors and cruelty to animals I heartily endorse. But the constant
linking of fetish related or SM activities with CHILD ABUSE and SEX
WITH ANIMALS in the media seems to be a deliberately sustained manipulation
of the truth.
On the topic of Personal Liberty I am aware that many new Personal Freedoms
impinge upon other peoples personal freedom (for example over-amplified
music). But in the privacy of the bedroom between consenting adults,
I'm a firm believer that the line between self-indulgence and self-determination
whether spiritual, moral or social surely rests on the benefit / harm
ratio as perceived by the individuals involved. The responsibility of
both law and politicians in such cases should be to ensure that other
people MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS.
Enough
already - end of Talking Points